


Drollery

by reluctantabandon, Winter_of_our_Discontent



Series: Terra Incognita [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Grad Student Castiel, Grad Student Dean, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 08:37:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5999212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reluctantabandon/pseuds/reluctantabandon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winter_of_our_Discontent/pseuds/Winter_of_our_Discontent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you prank a prankster? Dean and Cas are determined to find a way... and maybe do a few other things while they're at it. ...Mostly each other.</p>
<p>A timestamp for <i>Astrolabe,</i> it won't make any sense if you haven't read that one yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drollery

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PorcupineGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorcupineGirl/gifts).



> This is set slightly before (and a tiny bit after) the pie contest at the end of _Astrolabe,_ which sets it during Chapter 16 of the main story.

“It’ll be hilarious, I promise.”

  


“It seems needlessly complicated.” Cas gave a tiny frown. 

  


“That’s the point of a prank, though. You gotta commit to it.” Dean threw his arms wide. “The bigger the scope, the more excellent the prank!”

  


“He’s got a point, Cas,” said Sam through a bite of ham sandwich. “You guys could seriously get some prank points if you can pull this one over on your cousin.” He rolled up his sandwich wrapper and lobbed in it the trash, shoving the last bite into his mouth. “Ok, I gotta get back to work, come up with something and I’m in.”  He quickly slung his coat on and headed for the door. Dean tossed him his hat and gloves, and Sam bounded out.

  


“Thanks Sammy!” Dean yelled after him down the stairs. Sam gave a wave, and Dean closed the door behind him. He turned to look at Cas, who was still looking thoughtful.

  


“Technically I have already pranked him successfully by pretending I wasn’t dating the sexy barista.”

  


“Sexy barista… I like the sound of that.“ Dean moved to wrap his arms around Castiel’s waist. “But now it’s the denouement. The reveal. The prestige! Go big or go home.” He tugged Cas closer, wheedling.  “C’mon, it’ll be fun! I know you like to go big...”

  


“Have I mentioned how much I missed you?” Cas said, arms around Dean’s neck. 

  


“Once or twice.”

  


“Have I shown you?”

  


“I could do with a refresher,” Dean said, matching Cas’ smile with his own. “Grad school’s hell on your memory.”

  
  


****MUCH LATER***

  
  


“Dammit, guys, not on the couch!” 

  


“I thought you had work!”

  


“Dean, it’s been five hours! My shift is over!” Sam stood in front of the door, one hand over his face, the other flailing for a kitchen chair. “Ugh, my eyes!”

  


“Sammy, expressions of love between two people are a beautiful, natural thing.”

  


“Yes, Dean,  _ IN THE BEDROOM _ ! Not on the practically public, community, shared by more than just you and Cas  _ COUCH _ !”

  


“Pfft, Sammy, one, I bought the couch, and two, it ain’t like I’ve never seen you canoodling on it with some of your ‘classmates.’ ” 

  


“Canoodling.” Sam shook his head behind his hand. “Okay, Grandpa, you might have caught me making out a couple of times, but YOU. ARE.  _ NAKED!! _ ”

  


“Actually, Sam, Dean is wearing—”

  


“I don’t CARE! Shirts are off! I could see clothing all over the room! Now, I’m gonna stand here with my hand over my face, DEAN, until I hear your door shut...AND I hear both your voices from INSIDE the room. Clear?”

  


“Yeah, yeah, keep your pants on, we capiche.”

  


“It isn’t my pants that… GO. Just go. Go now.”

  


Sam kept his eyes tightly squeezed shut until he heard Dean’s door slam shut behind them. He then heard what could only be described as pornographic moaning followed by hysterical laughter.

  


“Jesus, where are my headphones?” he muttered, taking consolation in the partial victory.

  
  


***MUCH MUCH LATER****

  
  


“Hm. What about switching ingredients before my cousin makes his pie? Or somehow switching pies before the contest?” Cas scribbled in his notebook.

  


Dean looked grim. “Cas, there is something you have to understand.” Cas looked up, sobering at Dean’s serious face. “Pie is sacred. You do not fuck around with a man’s pie.” Dean jabbed with his finger for emphasis. “You do not. Fuck. With the pie.”

  


“All right, no tampering with the pie.” Cas crossed out what he’d just written. 

  


Dean stretched. Cas eyed the strip of skin that appeared between his t-shirt and jeans. “Hey, think we could rope in any of Gabe’s employees?” 

  


“I’ve been meaning to get in touch with Charlie anyway. I’d like to introduce you two.”

  
  


****LITTLE LATER THAN MUCH MUCH LATER****

  
  


“Charlie, I’d like you to meet Dean.”

  


“Hey, Charlie,” Dean said as they shook hands. “Happy to meet a friend of Cas.”

  


“Hello Dean! Great to meet you. Hey, I think I heard them calling your orders, could you…”

  


Dean glanced over at Cas, then shrugged and went to retrieve their food.

  


As soon as Dean had stepped away, Charlie reached over and punched Cas in the arm. 

  


“What was that for?” Cas whispered, wincing.

  


“ _ That’s _ for choosing sexy barista.” She hugged him. “And _ this _ is for finally asking out a cute guy.” She stopped for a minute, looking puzzled. “Wait, wasn’t your Library Crush named Dean?”

  


“Not our number, babe,” Dean said, sliding back into the booth next to Cas.

  


“Must’ve misheard,” Charlie said. “Anyway, tell me about yourself, Dean. I have to make sure you’re good enough for Castiel.”

  


“Charlie.”

  


“Not much to tell. I have a younger brother named Sam, I’m an Engineering grad at KU, I like classic rock, classic cars, and frisky Medievalists with blue eyes,” Dean said, directing the last part at Cas.

  


“Wait,  _ Engineering _ ?”

  


“Charlie, Dean is… was... my carrel penpal.”

  


“But I thought you asked out Hot Barista!” Charlie slapped her hand over her mouth. “Whoops.”

  


“Hot Barista, huh, Cas?” 

  


“Dean.”

  


“I think I heard our order being called!” Charlie squeaked, hurrying from the booth.

  


“So what was that about?”

  


“I may have talked with her when I was torn between the clever, sweet Engineering graduate student I was corresponding with or the handsome barista I kept encountering in the Library cafe.”

  


“Wow, I had the same problem. ‘Cept mine was between the Cafe Angel and the nerdy yet fascinating Medieval art grad.”

  


“I ended up realising talking to Dean meant more to me than eyeing the phenomenally attractive barista.”

  


“Oh, so you like me for my mind?”

  


“Your mind, your sense of humor, your loyalty…Mmf!” Cas was cut off as Dean pulled him into a sweet, lingering kiss.

  


“Well, looks like I didn’t somehow break you up already,” Charlie said, sitting back down across from them. 

  


“Not a chance,” said Dean, sitting back in his seat and smirking as Cas blushed. 

  


“Charlie, Dean is  _ also  _ a part-time worker at the Watson Library cafe.”   
  


“Wait, wait, WAIT, he was  _ the same guy _ ? You were secretly crushing on the same guy the whole time only you thought he was two different guys?”  Charlie said, loud enough for the table next to them to turn and look. She collapsed back against the booth. “That is some crazy anime mix-up crap right there. Wow.”

  


“Forty two!” the counter called out.

  


“I’ll go this time,” Cas said, sliding past Dean.

  


“So,” Charlie said, leaning forward.

  


“So.”

  


“Hogwarts house?”

  


“Hufflepuff.”

  


“Picard or Kirk?”

  


“Kirk.”

  


“Castiel’s favorite tea?”

  


“Vanilla chai decaf. Unless he’s got a deadline, then it’s English Breakfast.”

  


Charlie squinted at him. She leaned back, crossed her arms, and issued her final challenge.

  


“Stark or Lannister?”

  


Dean raised his eyebrows, then grinned. “Targaryen.”

  


Cas set a food-filled tray on the table between them. 

  


“Man, I thought these burgers were never gonna come,” Dean said, grabbing a fry.

  


“I approve,” Charlie announced.

  


“They’re excellent burgers,” Castiel agreed. 

  


“I approve of  _ Dean _ .”

  


“Oh.  _ Oh _ .”

  


“In that case, Charlie…” Dean leaned forward. “How do you feel about helping us prank your boss?”

  
  


****MUCH MUCH MUCH LATER****

  
  


“Glitter bomb!”

  


“No, Charlie.”

  


“Silly string!”

  


“ _ No _ , Charlie.”

  


“Glow sticks!”

  


“Charlie, for god’s sakes, it’s a prank, not a rave! We’re trying to think of what to do, not what to throw under the black light.” Dean rubbed his forehead tiredly. “We’ve only got a week to come up with something spectacular.”

  


“Does it really have to be spectacular?” Charlie asked hopefully. Cas and Dean just looked at her. She sighed and slumped. “Yeah, okay. I guess after the Great Pudding Debacle of 2010 it’s gotta be spectacular.” Cas rolled his eyes, and Dean snickered. “Wait, wait, I got it. So the point is that he doesn’t know you’re dating, right?”

  


“...Right?” said Dean slowly. Cas nodded.

  


“So.... he thinks you’re crushed, and Dean’s bringing his boyfriend who is not you, right?”

  


“Uh...we’ve been over this, Charlie.”

  


“No, wait, wait, hear me out. Dean’s got a brother, and he’s gonna be there too, right? And you’re not, like, identical twins or anything?”

  


Dean’s eyes brightened. “Are you headed where I think you’re headed? I like it already.” Cas just looked more confused.

  


Charlie sat forward in her seat. “We have you arrive separately. Obviously. But Dean, you come in with your brother first, and introduce him without saying he’s your brother…”

  


“And Gabe thinks he’s the mystery boyfriend? A little weird, but I like it.” Dean nods decisively. “Sam’s got the mountain man look going for him; he’s even taller than me, and nobody ever thinks we’re brothers at first.”

  


Charlie grins and rubs her hands together evilly. “Oooh, excellent, we all know Gabe’s got a thing for tall guys. But then when Cas shows up, you stare each other down.”

  


“What, like, Clint Eastwood-style staredown?” Charlie nodded. Dean narrowed his eyes. “We talking Dirty Harry or  _ Fistful of Dollars _ level?”

  


Charlie leveled a glare at him. “Man with No Name levels, Dean.”

  


Dean whistled. “Okay, then, we’ll have to make sure we don’t crack up and ruin it all. Lots of practice staring at each other, Cas.”

  


“You mean like Quaker Meeting? Although I consider the game to be insensitive to the Friends, I think it conveys the meaning appropriately.”

  


Dean looked over at Charlie, who was hiding a smile. “Yeah, kinda like that, Cas, only with more...smolder.”

  


“Smolder?”

  


“Smolder.”

  


Dean stared at Cas. Cas stared at Dean. Time stood still.

  


Charlie waved a hand between them. “Yeah, like that… okay, guys, save some for the prank. Or at least for after I leave. So it’s all tense and Gabe gets super nervous that like, a fight’s gonna break out or something… and then, BAM.”

  


“Bam?”

  


“Dean grabs Cas and dips him into a kiss like some crazy  _ Gone with the Wind _ scene.”

  


“What do you think, Dean?”

  


Dean shrugged. “Any plan that involves making out can’t be all bad.” He smirked at his boyfriend. “Probably ought to practice some more, right?”

  


“Jeez, dude, you’re both hot like burning, y’know, for penis-having types, but please keep it in your pants ‘til I’m gone or I swear I’m getting out the spray bottle.” Charlie eyerolled so massively Dean hoped she hadn’t sprained anything.

  


“Could we prevail upon you to record Gabriel while this is all happening? I’d hate to miss his reaction.”

  


“On it.”

  


“Charlie,” Dean said, mouth around the straw of his milkshake in a way that gave Cas Ideas, “this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

  
  


***MUCH⁴ LATER***

  
  


“So you put your foot there and then I’ll…”

  


“Shit, is there a Youtube tutorial?”

  


“We just need to…” 

  


**THUD**

  


“Shit, shit, sorry, Cas, you okay? What the hell, man, this is harder than it looks.”

  


“Okay, this time let’s try it with me dipping you.”

  


“Are you saying you’re stronger?”

  


“I’m saying I think we need to watch the tutorial again.”

  


“Oh man, my back.”

  


“It is a tricky maneuver.”

  


“I think you deserve a backrub. And I got magic fingers,” Dean said, wiggling the aforementioned digits.

  


“Dean, that is not my back.”

  


“Yeah, but you like it.”

  


“I won’t disagree.”

  


“Want me to kiss it better too?”

  
  


***SEVERAL DAYS AND ONE PIE CONTEST LATER***

  
  


Sam woke up feeling like Death fried and battered with a side of hot sauce. His head pounded like the entire cast of STOMP, his mouth tasted like kiln-dried dinosaur shit, and best of all, his bones felt as if they’d all been relocated a quarter inch to the left. “Nnnnnnghghgh,” he said eloquently.

  


The door opened with a crash, light seared his retinas, and Dean stomped over to his bedside table.

  


“HERE’S YOUR MEDS, SAMMY! AND REMEMBER TO DRINK ALL THE WATER,” he boomed. 

  


Sam made a pathetic gesture that was meant to say “SHUT UP, DEAN,” accompanied by an equally pathetic whimper as he dragged the covers up over his head. It took him a moment to register the dip in his mattress as Dean sat on the bed next to him. He felt a hand on his shoulder and winced as the light hit his face again. Dean patted him gently and motioned to the pills and water beside him on the table. Sam groaned again as he attempted to sit up, Dean’s hand supporting his shoulder. The room settled around him, the pounding in his head receding a bit as he rose.  His room was dark, blinds drawn, the door open just a crack with a bit of light from the hallway leaking in. 

  


“Here you go, Sammy,” Dean whispered, handing him the pills, then the water. “Doctor said three ibuprofen was fine, okay?”

  


“Thanks, Dean,” Sam whispered, handing back the empty glass. “Imma...lie down…”

  


“Yeah, yeah, of course, Sammy.” Dean pulled up the covers as Sam curled down onto his pillow. “You sleep as much as you need to; Cas’n me’ll be here when you wake up.”

  


“Mmm’phm,” Sam managed, and the light vanished as Dean closed the door. Sam lay there for a few moments, aching, until he slipped into exhausted sleep.

  
  


***THE MORNING AFTER THE PIE CONTEST***

  
  


The next time Sam woke up, he felt much better. His headache had receded to nearly-gone levels, and his body felt like his own again. His room was still dark, although he could see light through the blinds. Must be morning, then. He turned over with a sigh, then stilled as he heard voices raised in the kitchen.

  


“Who the fuck puts star anise in a fucking pie, Cas? Who does that?”

  


“Well, quite obviously Gabriel does, Dean! And also quite obviously he’s sorry!” Cas sounded more irritated than angry. Sam imagined they’d had this argument a number of times already.

  


“Yeah, well, apology brownies are all well and good, but I had to EpiPen my brother! We had to take him to the emergency room!”

  


“Yes, Dean, I was  _ there.”  _ Sam could practically hear Cas’ eyeroll. “Sam is fine, we caught everything nice and early, and there was no secondary reaction.” 

  


“I just…” Dean’s voice trailed off, and Sam could hear Cas murmuring something soothing sounding in response.

  


Sam got up, wincing only a little. He was wearing pajama pants and a tee shirt — how had that happened? he shrugged — then opened his door, shuffling out into the hallway toward the kitchen. 

  


“Hey, guys! OH my GOD, not in the KITCHEN!” Sam reeled back through the doorway and plastered himself against the wall. “I EAT IN THERE!”

  


“Dude, chill out, we’re just kissing. How’re you feeling?”

  


“We’re at least ten minutes away from actual coitus,” Cas added.

  


“Eh, I give it seven,” Dean said, playfully swatting at Cas’ ass. 

  


“Cas, I did not need to know that. Please don’t ever say that word again.” Sam gave a heartfelt sigh. “Can I come in without my eyeballs being assaulted?”

  


“Sure, but only ‘cause you’re apparently not dying.”

  


“Yes, congratulations on not going into anaphylactic shock, Sam.” Cas smiled as Sam sat down at the kitchen table. “I must say, that was one of the more exciting evenings I’ve had with my cousin, and that’s actually saying quite a bit.”

  


“Well, it wasn’t really his fault,” Sam sighed. He glanced hopefully at the countertop. “Is there coffee?”

  


“Sure, Shortstack. I’ll even get it for you, since I’m such a great big brother.” Dean got up to get him a mug.

  


“Gabriel has also sent along his apology brownies,” Cas said, “which he was at pains to tell me were completely anise-free. He also left a note with a complete list of ingredients just to be on the safe side.”

  


“And his number,” Dean grumped, putting Sam’s coffee down in front of him. “Not that you’d want to call him, unless you wanted to hear his apology in person, or, you know, tear him a new one. Or tell him his pie was definitely inferior to mine. Or basically tell him off for being a jackass who puts weird, not-pie-flavored things in pie.”

  


“Dean, it’s fine,” said Sam, feeling himself blush. Cas glanced at him knowingly but didn’t say a word. “Apology brownies? Are those a thing now?” He sipped his coffee. It was great having a barista for a brother.

  


“Gabriel only makes these brownies when he feels he has something to atone for, so I’ve received them a handful of times. They’re a delicious recipe.” 

  


“Especially when you…” Dean waggled his eyebrows at Cas, “That is… yeah, they’re good. If you like that kinda thing.”

  


“Don’t you be eyeing my apology brownies, Dean.” Sam pulled the platter toward himself protectively. “These beauties are all mine.” He plucked a piece of paper off the top. “Oooh, the note. Hey, it’s not just a list…” He fell silent as his eyes scanned the page.

  


“Oh, yeah?” Dean craned his neck to read it, but Sam pulled it away. 

  


“Nuh-uh, you’re not reading it. It’s for me, remember?”

  


“Yeah, well, we already know what’s in it anyway,” Dean huffed, refilling Sam’s coffee mug and raising an eyebrow at Cas, who declined.

  


“Mm.” Sam’s cheeks reddened further. He carefully folded the note and tucked it into the pocket of his pajama bottoms, then rose and grabbed the platter of brownies. They really did look delicious.

  


“Wait, I thought you wanted more coffee!”

  


“Nah, what I really want is to get away from you two lovebirds and lie around watching TV on my laptop. With my headphones on. Eating my apology brownies. LOUDLY.”

  


“Yeah, you do that, Sammy. Me’n Cas are gonna do some studying.”

  


Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I bet it’s anatomy!” he yelled, shutting his bedroom door behind him. 

  


They really were amazing brownies.

**Author's Note:**

> A _drollery_ is an amusing decorative image on the margin of an illuminated manuscript.
> 
> One year ago today, last Unattached Drifter Christmas, RA and I began posting _Astrolabe._ It seems appropriate to post another time stamp for it on the anniversary. Thank you again to everyone who read, subscribed, kudosed, and commented on Astrolabe, your support has meant the world to us.
> 
> This timestamp is dedicated to the wonderful PorcupineGirl, and who has written (with our complete approval and glee) her own Astrolabe timestamp, [Proof.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5492171) Go read it if you haven't had a chance!
> 
> We are planning other Astrolabe timestamps and a possible sequel, which will be rather heavily Sabriel.


End file.
